Tommy and I are extremely pleased to announce that Lizzie has gotten her first corporate sponsorship ever. Actually, come to think of it, has any hamster ever had a corporate sponsor before? Maybe Hampton of Hampster Dance fame would be the closest contestant, but pumped up on Brawndo - The Thirst Mutilator I'm sure Lizzie is more than a match for old Hampton, especially with all those electrolytes pumping through her veins. One sip of this stuff and she'll be charging off across America at light speed.
Of course, the improved running is just the beginning. Initial clinical tests revealed Brawndo can give incredible new abilities we never thought possible. Here are just a few of the results of our tests:
6x increase in upper body strength
Development of pop-star-quality pipes and a seductive voice to match
With such a dramatic increase in strength, intelligence and dexterity from drinking Brawndo on a twice-daily basis, our lab hamsters began taking on all kinds of new activities:
(Note: Brawndo is intended solely to be consumed by humans and plants. Like other processed human food and drink, we do not recommend or endorse actually feeding Brawndo to your pet hamsters)
1 comment:
I gave some Brawndo (which is expensive her because it has to be imported and paid for with U.S. dollars) to my wombat and it died. I hate it when that happens.
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